'She simply doesn't want to live in a sty': Husband asks if his wife is crazy after she calls him 'lazy and a slob'

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Feb 16, 2023 3:00 PM EST

"I had a major fight with my wife," one guy admitted in a post asking if he was the a****** in this situation, adding, "I almost feel like I'm the one [who is] crazy."

 U/amithehubslob (great username) had a question regarding the division of household responsibilities. The OP is a stay at home dad to two kids under two – no easy feat. However, his wife thinks he's really slacking on his cleaning duties. OP named a few of her demands, such as wanting the kids bathed every single day instead of every 1-3 days, cleaning bathrooms weekly, and taking shoes off when entering the household. His wife works 40-80 hours per week, but still has to do some cleaning herself, which must be frustrating. 

The commenters called this guy TA pretty resoundingly. But check out the whole post for yourself to see if this guy's wife really is demanding too much, or if this guy just needs to improve on his cleaning habits. I really hope they get a cleaning person, as it seems like it might solve at least a few of their problems!

Next, take a sneak peek into the lives of chefs, who shared the hilarious and bizarre things that go on in a restaurant kitchen. 

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    Cheezburger Image 9735209728
    via Vanessa Bucceri on Unsplash.com
  • 02
    Font - r/AmIthe As 16 hours ago 3 Posted by u/amithehubslob AITA for not keeping up with my wife's cleaning demands?
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  • 03
    Font - I had a major fight with my wife a few hours ago and I strongly think I'm in the right but she is so angry I almost feel like I'm the one crazy. I'll provide context. I married my wife 3 years ago but we have been together 6. One important thing to note is she's extremely clean. I regret not moving in together until we married because while I knew she was clean I didn't know the full extent. Let this be a lesson to live with your partner before marriage. She is the reason why our house lo
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  • 04
    Font - This didn't start hurting our marriage until we had kids. We have a 2 year old and a 1 year old. I'm a SAHD. I left work when our youngest was born and that is when our disagreement on how clean the home needs to be started to get bad. She expects me to do most of the chores now when it used to be primarily her and I wouldn't mind if they were reasonable. She wants the children to have a bath everyday and I think every 1-3 days is fine. She wants all of their toys put away by the end of t
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  • 05
    Font - She works 40-80 hours/week so it is a lot but she does it to herself. I feel I do what is reasonable. This all built up to today. She got home and saw I hadn't yet washed the dishes and there was still grease/food in some of the pans and on the countertop. Also I hadn't yet brought in the trash cans from the previous two days when they were emptied. She flew off the handle calling me lazy and a slob. She said she would like for me to return to work since in her eyes I'm doing a poor job a
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  • 06
    Font - Edit: so I'm the a The common belief is I need to help more around the house. I'll see what I can do and apologize to my wife. Thanks.
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  • 07
    Font - Suspicious-Hat6285 · 16 hr. ago Parta: ipant [3] You're a stay at home father all of the stuff you listed that she wants is normal things an adult does. Your standards are too low. YTA. Bathe your fu kids.
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  • 08
    Font - Donkeh101 15 hr. ago Out of all the things listed, bathing the kids made me recoil. I am not the tidiest of persons. All the others I can give a sort of leeway. To certain degree. But not bathing the children??? That would be my priority. YTA OP. Edit: A few words.
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  • 09
    Font - Bexclamation Point 13 hr. ago. edited 4 hr. ago Your standards are too low. Yup. I would say the wife's standards on some cleaning areas are unusually high (not TOO high, just on the high end of what's reasonable), so I disagree with those saying her preferences are totally normal and everyone does it that way. But OP's standards are way too low, to the point that he can't even tell the difference between which things really just need to be done this way and which are areas where his wife
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  • 10
    Font - Just_Me1973. 16 hr. ago Partas ipant [1] YTA. Her cleaning habits are fairly average. You're just a slob.
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  • 11
    Font - MadPiglet42 13 hr. ago Enthusiast [7] As Seriously. I'm a fairly half-ased housekeeper SAHM and even my lazy slob as cleans more often than what OP's wife is requesting.
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  • 12
    Font - hwutTF 12 hr. ago Partas pant [3] yeah I was expecting that she came home and performed white glove inspections on the baseboards but no she wants the trash taken out, for mold not to be growing in the sink, and for her children not to be playing on a filthy floor and OP doesn't even want to do the things that can help reduce how often you need to clean!!! if you wear shoes in the house you need to clean the floors more. if you shower before getting in bed, your linens stay fresh longer h
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  • 13
    Font - FlyingWithAliens 16 hr. ago edited 16 hr. ago A: Enthusiast [6] Your standards are too low. I am someone who genuinely has always struggled with keeping my environment clean. Dishes should be done every day The house should be vacuumed like every other day not even weekly Mopping every few days is normal Washing yourself before getting into bed is my preference as well. Washing sheets weekly is standard Picking up all the toys and putting them completely away at night is incredibly good f
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  • 14
    Font - Kids are definitely washed every day. Soap is every other day. The PJ thing tho? There's definitely one day a week on the weekends where we're all in pjs all day. Are you doing this EVERY day? Based on your standards I am actually wondering if maybe you're depressed or have adhd? I have adhd and I know that doing the BARE MINIMUM isn't easy. Maybe talk to someone and see if you can work through this ETA: YTA
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  • 15
    Font - doceapr 13 hr. ago Picking up toys also helps them build healthy habits. When they are in school, nobody will have to beg or show them how to put them up because they have already been doing it at home.
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  • 16
    Font - littleladym19 10 hr. ago . I have ADHD, am currently un medicated, and a 3.5 month old baby. I do all of the things OP's wife does/wants OP to do. I feel like it's a classic case of men who weren't raised to understand the actual workload of keeping a household and a family up and running. So much work like cleaning house, bathing children and ensuring they have properly fitting and clean clothing every day is invisible work done by women. Thankfully it's changing slowly, but I feel like
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  • 17
    Font - I wonder if the situation were reversed, how OP would feel? Coming home to a dirty house with basic cleaning not done and young children still in the clothes they slept in, unbathed. I guarantee a mother/wife would catch huge s for that. Plus, I feel so much better when I'm clean and in a fresh set of sweats/shirt, even if I don't leave the house that day. Why wouldn't I do the same for my kid? She gets clean footie jammies every morning (since she's still a baby.) Some days it's okay, bu
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  • 18
    Font - Ruamann 16 hr. ago . Chum, I am an absolute slob, but for a house with kids in it, that schedule is totally reasonable. I shudder to think what the house and children would be like if she wasn't around. YTA.
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  • 19
    Font - NuclearSky 16 hr. ago Enthusiast [6] As Every single thing you listed as her cleanliness standards are very reasonable in my book - they are the same standards I have in my home. If I had children, they would likely be stricter since kids touch everything, put stuff in their mouths, roll around on the floor, etc. In my book, I would consider you a slob. Right now, you're wife is coming home to a place where she doesn't feel comfortable living in. Regardless of how you feel about cleanline
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  • 20
    Font - From what I'm reading here, you're a SAHD and you're not keeping up your end of the bargain. If you don't think you should clean that often, then she's right - you should go back to work and hire someone to help keep your house clean. YTA
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  • 21
    Font - tofuroll 11 hr. ago Regardless of how you feel about cleanliness, SHE ISN'T COMFORTABLE IN HER OWN HOME. Excellent point. His wife is telling him something and all he can muster is, "Well, it's her problem, not mine." He's weaponised incompetence. It's malicious.
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  • 22
    Font - roxysinsox 7 hr. ago Right. And "she works 40-80 hours a week but she does it to herself" no my guy, she does it so you can stay home and you can't even get your fing a off the couch to wash your kids every day and keep their environment safe and liveable.
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  • 23
    Font - Miriamathome. 16 hr. ago Enthusiast [5] As YTA. I thought she was going to turn out to be a crazy person who wanted to clean the tile grout with a toothbrush twice a week and be able to eat off the floors at a moment's notice. Doing dishes daily, cleaning the bathrooms weekly and not wearing shoes in the house are perfectly normal standards. Yours haven't achieved dangerously disgusting, but they are on the slobber, yuckier end of the normal spectrum. I usually think couples with differin
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  • 24
    Font - Forsaken_Ordinary669 - 5 hr. ago What gets me is that OPs wife has already tried to compromise too, by suggesting OP returns to work in exchange for a cleaner and a nanny. If he's truly struggling to keep up with housework then that's a reasonable compromise to suggest. Not sure what OP is wanting to get from this whole situation but he seems unwilling to adjust to his wife's reasonable cleaning standards and also unwilling to outsource. His poor wife.
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  • 25
    Font - tofuroll 11 hr. ago I usually think couples with differing standards need to find some reasonable compromise Notice how OP blamed not living together before marriage? So what happened to the intervening period between moving in together and having children?
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  • 26
    Font - miyuki_m 16 hr. ago Professor Emeritas [73] She hates dishes in the sink while I'm content to let them sit for a couple days. Bacteria starts growing on dirty dishes within 30 minutes. You are disgusting and yes, YTA.
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  • 27
    Font - NobleCorgi 16 hr. ago Enthusiast [6] A YTA. Every single "crazy" clean thing you mentioned except having shoes in the house is a basic expectation I have and I consider myself fairly messy. Not bathing your kids daily gets me. The bath EVERY NIGHT after my daughter gets out of it has dirt on the bottom that I have to rinse. Not cleaning your kids is seeing them up for bullying and health problems. And leaving the dishes for a couple of days in the sink is disgusting. Max 12 hours (you can
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  • 28
    Font - slendermanismydad 15 hr. ago Parta: ipant [3] Her requests are mostly reasonable and she's correct, you should go back to work and get a nanny and a housekeeper. YTA. If you had said you didn't have time to do these things, I would understand, since you have a 1 and 3 year old but it seems like you just don't care. insists I shower immediately when I get home before laying in bed. This might be a little over the top but I'm not sure what condition you are coming back in. Like did you go t
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  • 29
    Font - He Who_Is_Right_. 16 hr. ago Pooperintendant [56] Yes, YTA. Your wife's expectations are not unrealistic. She simply doesn't want to live in a sty. You can't do dishes daily? How do you live like that? You can't run a vacuum over the house once a week? You can't mop once a week? You can't change the bedding once a week? What, pray tell, do you do all day? And, yes, if you're the stay at home parent, you're principally responsible for the upkeep of the house. Do better.
    via r/AmItheA******

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wife parenting husband mess kids chores dishes
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